FEEDERISM.ORGFree reflection · 5 min

The Kink You Can't Talk About

Hiding has two faces. Privacy is choosing what you share — healthy. Secrecy is silence that costs you. This helps you tell them apart.

For adults 18+ · A reflective self-understanding tool — not a diagnosis.

About this tool

Some parts of us are easy to share. This one usually isn't. If your interest in feeding or weight gain is something you've never said aloud — to a partner, a friend, anyone — you are part of a very large, very quiet group. Most people who feel this way keep it hidden, and the articles on this site are blunt about why: there's real stigma, and the fear of judgment is not imaginary.

But hiding has two faces. Privacy is choosing what you share, and it's completely healthy — you don't owe anyone access to your inner life. Secrecy is different: it's silence that costs you, that leaves you feeling alone, watched, or broken. This check isn't here to push you to come out. It's here to help you tell those two apart — and, if you want, to see whether you're ready to let one person in.

How it works

You'll answer 24 short statements about how it feels to carry this privately — your self-talk, the cost of staying silent, and whether telling someone feels possible. Respond honestly. Your answers stay on this page; we count anonymous completions only. You'll get a main result describing where you sit between peace and isolation, plus a separate read on your disclosure-readiness — including, if you're close, a gentle script for how to begin. This is reflection, not diagnosis.

What it looks at

Internalized shame
Whether you've absorbed the message that this interest makes you sick or broken — turning stigma inward as self-loathing and self-punishment.
Secrecy cost
The price of hiding: loneliness, the strain of a managed double life, grief over an unshared part of self, and distance from people who don't know. Healthy privacy is the opposite end.
Self-pathologizing
Where you fall between this is a defect in me and this is one part of how I'm wired. Higher means more self-pathologizing, lower means more self-acceptance.

The results, explained

A non-personalised overview of every result this tool can return. Take the reflection above for your own.

At peace with it
You've made a kind of peace with this part of yourself. You may keep it private — and that's not the same as hiding. You don't seem to be at war with who you are, and you can hold this interest without deciding it makes you broken. Whether or not anyone else knows, the relationship that matters most — the one with yourself — looks steady. That's genuinely good, and rarer than you'd think.
Carrying quiet shame
You carry this carefully, and some of that weight has settled inward. You're likely managing a quiet double life — fine on the surface, but holding something no one sees. Part of you may still wonder if this means something is wrong with you. It doesn't, but the question lingers, and the silence has a cost: a low, persistent loneliness. You're not broken. You're someone hiding a normal-but-stigmatized part of yourself, and feeling the strain of it.
Isolated & self-judging
This has become heavy. You may be living with a strong belief that this part of you is sick or broken, alongside a real isolation — no one knows, and that silence hurts. There may be a cycle: feeling the pull, then turning on yourself afterward. Please hear this clearly: having this interest does not make you a bad, broken, or dangerous person. What you're feeling is the weight of stigma turned inward — and that weight can be set down.

Every statement in this reflection

All 24 statements, answered on a 5-point scale. Some are reverse-worded on purpose.

  1. There's something wrong with me for being into this.
  2. When I think about this side of myself, I feel disgust or self-loathing.
  3. I worry this means I'm mentally unwell or not normal.
  4. I've punished myself (mentally or otherwise) after giving in to these thoughts.
  5. A part of me believes I should be able to just stop feeling this way.
  6. No one in my life knows this part of me exists.
  7. I feel lonely carrying this by myself.
  8. Keeping this hidden takes real energy — I'm always managing what others see.
  9. I feel a quiet grief about not being able to share this with anyone.
  10. Hiding this makes me feel distant even from people I'm close to.
  11. I've avoided getting closer to someone partly to protect this secret.
  12. I keep this private the way I'd keep anything personal — and that feels fine.
  13. I could imagine telling a partner about this someday.
  14. If I told someone, my biggest fear is being judged or rejected.
  15. I'd know roughly how to bring it up without it feeling like a confession.
  16. I've thought about who in my life I might trust with this.
  17. The idea of saying it out loud makes me want to shut down completely.
  18. I believe the right person could hear this and still care about me.
  19. This is just one part of who I am, not the whole of me.
  20. Lots of people have desires outside the mainstream — mine is one of them.
  21. I think of this as part of how I'm wired, not a defect.
  22. I can hold this part of myself with some kindness.
  23. Having this interest doesn't make me a bad or dangerous person.
  24. Deep down, I see this as proof that something is broken in me.

Frequently asked questions

Is it unhealthy to keep this private?

No. Privacy is healthy — you choose what you share with anyone, about anything. What this check looks for is corrosive secrecy: silence that leaves you lonely, strained, or convinced you're broken. Private-and-at-peace is fine. Hidden-and-hurting is the part worth tending.

Does this mean I should come out about my kink?

Not at all, and this quiz won't tell you to. Plenty of people hold this privately for life and are perfectly well. Disclosure is one option among many — surfaced only if you feel ready. The aim is lowering shame, which doesn't require telling anyone.

Why do I feel like something's wrong with me?

Because the culture taught you to. The articles point out that fetishes were classified as disorders until recently, and that stigma leads people to self-pathologize — to think they're sick. That inherited message is the source of the feeling, not any actual defect in you.

Can I really not just stop feeling this way?

Most likely not by willpower. As a therapist quoted on this site puts it, trying to stop a fetish is the same thing as asking someone to stop being gay — it's closer to an orientation than a habit. The healthier goal is making peace with it, not erasing it.

Sources & further reading

Is my boyfriend a feeder? (and to tell or not)When you're not into your partner's kinkIs it normal to be into this?Find a kind communityTerry & Vasey, 'Feederism in a Woman' — Archives of Sexual Behavior (the first clinical case study)

This quiz is for reflection and education only — it is not therapy, diagnosis, or a substitute for professional care, and it's intended for adults (18+). Your answers stay on this page unless you choose to save your result to a free account. If you're wrestling with intense shame, depression, or any urge to harm yourself, please reach out to a kink-aware or sex-positive therapist, or contact a local crisis line today (in the US, call or text 988). Feeling alone with this is common — but you don't have to stay alone with it.

Support resources.