Agreements age. Bodies change, seasons change, and a yes from March can quietly stop being true by July without anyone deciding anything. This is the maintenance tool: a short temperature-check you each answer separately — on your own phones, or passing one device — then compare side by side, with flags wherever your answers have moved apart. Five minutes on a rhythm beats two hours in a crisis.
For adults 18+ · A conversation aid — flags are invitations, never verdicts.
The honest version of a check-in needs privacy while you answer. On one device the tool enforces that with a hand-over screen. On two phones it's enforced with encryption: when you set up a shared check-in, the invite link you send your partner carries a key that never reaches us. Each of you answers on your own phone, whenever suits you that day; your answers are sealed in the browser before they travel; and our server will not release either side until both are in — which it couldn't read anyway. What we can see is that a check-in happened, and when. What you wrote is between the two of you, mathematically.
If you've made an agreement with the Agreement Builder on this device, the check-in also picks up your own questions: the ones you chose when you wrote it, your pace, and your ceiling, so you're checking in on the deal you actually made rather than a generic one.
After you've both answered, the tool compares three ways. Between you: a large gap on any item — or opposite directions on pace — raises a flag with a conversation starter written for that specific item. Within you: if your own answer dropped noticeably since your last check-in, that movement gets flagged even if you currently agree with each other. The unsaid: a dedicated question asks whether something's gone unspoken; answering "yes" or "maybe" flags it without making anyone say the thing on the spot. The tool never scores your relationship and never decides who's right. If the same flag returns three check-ins running, the understanding itself needs renegotiating — that's the Agreement Builder's job — and persistent flags on pressure or the freedom to say no deserve a kink-aware professional sooner rather than later.
One of you sets it up and sends the other a private invite link. From then on you each answer on your own phone, whenever suits you that day. Answers are sealed in your browser before they leave it — encrypted with a key that lives only in the invite link, which we never see — and neither of you can read the other's side until you've both finished. Then the comparison unlocks for both of you.
Often enough that nothing has time to calcify — for most couples that's somewhere between weekly and monthly, and the tool lets you pick. The more actively bodies or dynamics are changing, the shorter the cadence. If you built an agreement here, the check-in suggests the rhythm you chose in it.
Because answers given side by side contaminate each other. When one partner says "the pace feels great" first, the second partner's "actually, a bit fast" costs more to say — so it often doesn't get said. Answering apart gets both honest readings onto the table. On two phones this is enforced by encryption, not by trust in a screen.
An invitation, not a verdict. Flags appear where your scores sit far apart, where you pull opposite directions on pace, where something's marked unsaid, or where someone's own answer dropped since last time. Each comes with a specific conversation starter.
No. In one-device mode nothing is transmitted at all. In two-phone mode your answers are encrypted on your phone with a key we never receive; our server stores unreadable ciphertext and timestamps. There's no key recovery on purpose — if both of you lose the link and your devices, the history is gone rather than readable by us.
A flag that survives three check-ins isn't a conversation anymore — it's a negotiation that hasn't happened. Renegotiate the understanding itself with the Agreement Builder, and if it keeps not-resolving — especially around pressure or the freedom to say no — bring in a kink-aware professional.