My Boyfriend Is a Feeder: What Should I Do? (Real Advice)

Before diving in, pause and reflect on your feelings and limits. Feederism is an intense kink involving food, bodies, and power – you need to be emotionally prepared and aware. Consider these questions honestly:

Why am I doing this? Are you exploring feederism only to keep him happy, or can you find some enjoyment in it too? Acting solely out of fear (e.g. worrying he’ll leave) can lead to resentment. One woman confessed, “I genuinely just don’t think this does it for me... I’m terrified that if they find someone equally as into feederism as they are, they won’t want to engage with me anymore... But I want to spend the rest of my life with them” reddit.com. Make sure you’re not forcing yourself past your comfort zone out of panic.
How important is this fetish to him? Talk openly about how central feederism is to his arousal. Is it a fun bonus in bed, or the main thing that turns him on? If it’s the latter, acknowledge that satisfying him may require more effort (and you’ll need to decide if you’re okay with that). If it’s a minor fantasy, you might indulge occasionally without it taking over your life. Ask what exactly he fantasizes about – communication is key so you’re on the same page.
What are my hard limits? Decide upfront what you will and won’t do. Are you okay with gaining some weight, or not at all? Do you only want to roleplay weight gain without actually changing your body? Are there certain words (like being called “piggy” or “fat”) that feel fun and teasing, or do they hurt you? Set boundaries now. For example, you might say, “I’ll play along during dessert dates, but no sneaking extra butter into my food without telling me.” (Yes, some extreme feeders do that – and it’s absolutely not okay without consent.)
How is my self-esteem and body image? If you already struggle with body confidence, feederism could be triggering. This kink literally focuses on your body’s size. One woman in a feeder relationship admitted, “I struggle with feeling like my body now is never good enough because a feeder just wants me fatter and fatter… If you can resist me in order to change me then I don’t feel very well liked” dandelioninajungle.tumblr.com. Make sure you won’t feel unloved or “not enough” at your current weight. Your partner should reassure you that he adores you now, not just an imagined bigger you.
What about my health and comfort? Gaining significant weight or overeating regularly can affect your health. You have every right to set a safe limit (e.g. “I’m okay gaining 10 pounds as part of this fantasy, but not more”). Be clear if you plan to lose weight or get healthier for yourself – a loving partner should support your well-being too. If he absolutely opposes you ever dieting for health, that’s a red flag. You need a balance between indulgence and health that you’re comfortable with.
Do I have an exit plan if I need it? Hopefully trying feederism will bring you closer, but if at any point you feel miserable or coerced, you should be able to stop. Make sure you can communicate honestly. If he truly can’t be happy without this fetish and you truly hate it, you might face a tough choice. It’s better to acknowledge that now than to “fake it” for years. In one candid story, a woman married to a feeder said, “There’s no way to find a healthy balance between a spouse who is trying to feed you to death, while you are doing everything in your power to lose weight…” womenshealthsa.co.za. Don’t let things reach a breaking point – keep checking in with yourself and with him.

Take a deep breath and answer these questions for yourself. Being truthful now will help you approach this new sexual adventure with clear eyes. It’s absolutely possible to participate in his kink without losing yourself, as long as you know where you stand and you both respect each other’s boundaries.

Understanding His Hunger: The Psychology Behind Feederism

To confidently engage in feederism, it helps to understand what makes your man tick. What is going on in a feeder’s mind? Feederism (also called gaining or feedism) is essentially a fetish where someone is turned on by their partner eating and gaining weight womenshealthsa.co.za. Here’s a breakdown of the major factors that often drive a male feeder’s desires:

Sexual Arousal from Food & Fat: For most feeders, this is a sexual fetish at its core. They literally get horny seeing you eat and grow. As one study participant put it, “The feeder gets horny knowing that his partner is eating and gaining… Helping someone eat massive amounts of fattening food is about as good as it gets for a feeder” collectionscanada.gc.ca. The act of feeding, the sight of a stuffed belly, and the idea of added pounds are direct turn-ons. In his mind, that second slice of cake you take isn’t just dessert – it’s foreplay. Your guy might become visibly excited watching you polish off a big meal or noticing your jeans getting tight. It’s Pavlovian for him: food + you = arousal.
Power and Dominance (or “Being in Charge”): Many feeders experience a power dynamic aspect in this kink. They enjoy being the one in control of pleasure, literally “full-filling” you. Extreme cases can be very dominant – there are stories of abusive feeders who want to fatten a partner into immobility just to control them boards.ie. But not every feeder is extreme. Often it’s a subtle, consensual dominance: he finds it hot that you trust him to feed you and that he can influence your body. There’s an element of ownership (“my girl is my sexy creation”). Even if he’s gentle, the fact that his cooking, his encouragement is making you gain can give him a rush of power. It’s a bit like a sculptor admiring his sculpture – except the clay is a living partner. Be aware of this dynamic. If you’re comfortable with a little D/s (Dominance/submission) play, you can lean into it (letting him “take the lead” in feeding sessions, etc.). If not, make sure he knows to dial back any overly controlling behavior. All power exchange must be consensual and negotiated, not taken for granted.
Nurturing and Caretaking: On the flip side of the power coin, feederism also has a big “caregiver” energy. A lot of feeders genuinely love pampering their partner. Cooking for you, feeding you by hand, making sure you’re satisfied – this gives them joy and emotional fulfillment, not just sexual kicks. One self-identified feeder explained that feeding isn’t purely sexual; it also brings “the joy and pleasure in nurturing, providing for, and taking care of a growing feedee.” collectionscanada.gc.ca In other words, your man might get off on spoiling you rotten. It’s his way of showing love: let me satisfy you. Think of it as an extreme form of chivalry – instead of just holding doors or giving foot rubs, he wants to shower you with yummy food and watch you blissfully enjoy it. This nurturing aspect can actually strengthen emotional bonds, as long as it’s done lovingly and not manipulatively. If you can appreciate that sentiment (“he feeds me because he loves me”), you may find this aspect sweet.
Fascination with Body Transformation: Feederism is often about watching a body change over time. The idea of you growing curvier or heavier is deeply exciting to him. Dr. Mark Griffiths, who studied this fetish, describes it as “sexual arousal and gratification stimulated through the partner… gaining body fat.” womenshealthsa.co.za It’s the process of fattening that thrills him. Many feeders literally keep track of their partner’s gains, take pride as the numbers on the scale climb, or compare before/after photos. Seeing you go from, say, a size 8 to a size 14 might fulfill a powerful fantasy for him. One feeder noted, “For a feeder, their sexual pleasure is derived from seeing a woman gain, watching them eat and slowly grow out of their clothing.” collectionscanada.gc.ca That gradual tightening of your clothes – that proof that his fetish is coming true – is a huge rush. This is why he might constantly compliment new curves or even encourage you to outgrow your wardrobe. It’s part of the kink! You don’t have to actually balloon up if you don’t want to, but even simulated growth (stuffing a pillow under your shirt during roleplay, or just talking about getting bigger) can tap into this for him.
Validation and Acceptance: Consider that your guy probably struggled with this unusual fetish before. He might have felt ashamed or “weird” for being into this. In fact, the mere fact he confided in you shows he trusts you a lot – he “came clean” despite the fear of judgment. (The woman on Reddit said, “I’m proud of them for sharing this with me because I know it can be shameful or embarrassing to admit” reddit.com.) By participating, you are implicitly telling him “I accept you, even this kinky part of you.” That is incredibly validating for him. It can increase his emotional attachment and love for you. He likely feels seen and adored when you indulge him. Also, if you start calling him “a good cook” or say “I love how you take care of me,” it validates his role. Many feeders thrive on positive feedback – it’s not just physical changes, but hearing that you appreciate what they do. On the flip side, if he senses you’re only doing it grudgingly, he may feel guilty or rejected. So good communication is crucial: let him know what you enjoy about the experience (even if it’s not the fat itself, maybe you enjoy the attention, the sensuality, etc.). That way he feels accepted and you don’t feel like you’re “faking it.”
Fantasy vs. Reality: Feederism fantasies can be pretty wild. He might masturbate to erotica or videos of extreme weight gain or feeding sessions. But real life is usually more moderate. Not every feeder actually wants to force-feed someone 24/7 or create a 600-pound human — often, they enjoy imagining it more than doing it. In online feederism communities, people distinguish between “encouragers” (who like to see a partner gain at their own pace) and hardcore “feeders” (who push food aggressively). There are also different levels: some feeders are gentle and not into anything unhealthy, while others do veer into dangerous territory. As one feedist noted, “There are different classifications just like with bondage. There are feeders who are controlling and abusive... and there are feeders who are not. There are feeders who desire immobility and of course, there are feeders who do not” collectionscanada.gc.ca confessionpost.com. It’s important for you to gauge where your partner lies on this spectrum. Does he just want you to enjoy dessert without guilt, or does he secretly hope you become massive? Talk about his ultimate fantasy scenario – it’ll help you understand his expectations and limits. You might even set a boundary like, “We can do stuffing sessions, but I’m not okay with any scenario of me becoming immobile or bedridden.” Knowing that you’re not going to suddenly wake up 300 lbs heavier (unless you want to) will help you feel safer exploring the kink.

In short, your feeder boyfriend’s psyche is a mix of lust, love, control, and care. He’s turned on by your enjoyment and growth, gets a kick out of guiding you to indulge, and feels closer to you when you embrace this side of him. Keep these motivations in mind – it’ll help you empathize with what he wants out of feederism. And remember, none of this means he’s a bad guy! Kinks are often born from complex places. As long as he respects your boundaries, his fetish for your fuller figure can be part of a healthy relationship dynamic.

Real Talk: Insights from Women Who’ve Been There

You’re not alone in feeling unsure about all this. Many women have walked the line between “not really into it” and “doing it for him.” Let’s look at real experiences and advice from women (and partners) in feederism situations – the good, the bad, and the honest:

“I want to make him happy, but I’m not into it.” – This is a common sentiment. One girlfriend wrote on Reddit seeking advice, sharing that she loved her boyfriend dearly but didn’t share his fetish. “I know they’re still heavily attracted to me... but I can’t help but feel like I could be doing more,” she said, noting that she didn’t fit his ideal (she’s petite, he likes plus-size) reddit.com. “I don’t want them to neglect that part of their life... I still find myself most in love with them whenever they’re happy… I genuinely just don’t think this does it for me,” she admitted, even considering letting him find a feeder play partner, though that idea scared her reddit.com. Her post really captures the push-pull: I love him and want him happy versus this fetish isn’t my thing and makes me insecure. If you feel this way, know that it’s normal to be conflicted! It doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed – but it does mean you two should have a heart-to-heart (or several) about how to keep both of you feeling loved and fulfilled.
You are not obligated to do everything. One piece of advice that the above Redditor received was a compassionate reality check: “They chose you... It’s not on you to engage with every single one of your partner’s fetishes... Know that you are enough.” reddit.com In other words, you alone already make him happy – the fetish is just one part of his sexuality. You shouldn’t burn yourself out trying to be his everything. If feeder-play truly repels you, you have the right to say, “I’m sorry, I just can’t.” A loving partner will not stop caring about you because of that. As the commenter noted, unless your partner explicitly said he can’t be happy without acting on feederism (which would be a bigger issue), you shouldn’t assume he’ll leave. Many couples have differences in kinks and still have great relationships by focusing on what does work for both.
Fetish vs. Love – Balance is key: In the story “I Married A Feeder Without Knowing It,” Thusani (the wife) eventually felt overwhelmed. She describes how her husband constantly encouraged her to eat and resist losing weight. “He would say, ‘Please don’t change how you look… Stay as gorgeous and voluptuous as you are!’” when she expressed wanting to diet womenshealthsa.co.za. Despite loving him, she found herself gaining an extreme amount (eventually 147kg) and losing her sense of self. “The more I gained, the more my husband seemed content,” she recalls womenshealthsa.co.za. The intimacy suffered because she was unhappy with her body and health. Her retrospective advice is that it became a “constant battlefield” between her needs and his fetish womenshealthsa.co.za. The lesson here is that both partners’ needs must matter. She ignored her own boundaries for too long. Don’t be afraid to speak up if you feel things tipping too far in his favor. A healthy relationship – even a kinky one – means compromise. For example, maybe he eases up on pushing food when you say you’re full, and in return you indulge him on special occasions.
It can work when done with love and respect. Not every feeder relationship is doom and gloom – some couples actually thrive, even if only one partner has the fetish. A user on a feeder forum shared that he introduced feedism to his wife gradually and respectfully: “It took years for me to get my wife comfortable with packing on the pounds… She was hesitant due to society [pressures] and trusting I’d be with her after she gains. ...I just kept adoring her and ensuring she is taken care of” fantasyfeeder.com. Over time, she relaxed and did gain weight at her own pace, because she felt secure that he loved her unconditionally. This shows the importance of trust. If your partner consistently shows that he finds you sexy at any size and is committed to you, you might feel more open to indulging his feedist side. In the same vein, another feeder emphasized consent and communication: “Whatever you do, DO NOT secretly feed her. Consent is a thing… If she’s cool with gaining... great, if not, you need to respect it.” fantasyfeeder.com. The couples who succeed have the feeder partner continuously checking in: “Is this okay? Do you like this?” and the non-feeder partner feeling safe to say yes or no.
Beware of red flags: Unfortunately, a few men handle this kink poorly – and it’s good to recognize warning signs. If he ever tries to guilt or trick you into eating more (hiding high-calorie ingredients in your food without telling you, sulking or pouting when you don’t want dessert, etc.), that’s not cool. One Quora user discovered her boyfriend was secretly adding sticks of butter to her meals to fatten her up – a huge breach of trust. If anything like that happens, call it out immediately. Also, if he starts prioritizing the fetish over your basic well-being – for instance, pressuring you to keep eating even when you feel sick, or, like one woman’s boyfriend, withholding sex unless she gains weight – that crosses the line into abuse. (”I had a guy tease me that he was going to withhold sex in order to make me eat more… You don’t get me... If you can resist me in order to change me, then I don’t feel very well liked,” wrote one frustrated feedee dandelioninajungle.tumblr.com.) Your pleasure and consent matter just as much as his. A good feeder partner will find a way to enjoy his kink with your comfort in mind – not steamroll right over you.

Bottom line: Many women in your shoes have found that open communication saved their relationship. Talk, talk, talk! Share your fears (for example, if you’re afraid he’ll only desire you at a larger size, tell him that and let him reassure you). Listen to his fantasies and see where you can meet in the middle. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution – every couple will craft their own version of feederism that fits their life. Whether that means you agree to do “feeder play” once a month, or only during sex, or only up to a certain weight – it’s entirely up to both of you. Stay honest with each other. And remember, love and respect come first; the kink comes second. As one partner wisely said to a struggling girlfriend: “Know that you are enough.” Your relationship is built on much more than food or fat. Keep that foundation strong, and you two can explore this fantasy without losing each other in it.

Dirty Talk 'Buffet': Phrases to Tell Your Feeder (Based on Real Examples)

One of the most effective tools you have in this sexy game is your words. 😉 Feeders are hugely turned on by certain language – especially when you, their partner, say things that align with their fantasy. The key is to use authentic, real phrases that feeders have been known to love (no need to invent cringe dialogue). Below is a menu of dirty talk and flirty lines inspired by feederism erotica, roleplays, and real accounts. Tip: Only say what you’re comfortable with – and maybe practice in front of a mirror until it feels natural. A little confidence goes a long way in selling the fantasy!

“I love being fat, I want to get even fatter.” – This kind of statement is the Holy Grail for many feeders. It shows enthusiasm for the very thing he desires. One man described how, during sex, his wife said “I love being fat, I want to get fatter” and it drove him wild confessionpost.com. If you can sincerely purr this in his ear (perhaps after a big meal or while guiding his hand to your fuller hips), expect him to be instantly turned on.
“I’d love you to fatten me up… make me really big.” – Explicitly inviting him to indulge his feeder role is super erotic to him. The same husband from above shared that his wife moaned “I want you to fatten me, I want to get really fat” and it unleashed his passion confessionpost.com. Telling your man “Go ahead, feed me more, I want to be your big girl” hits all his buttons: it combines submission, validation, and the promise of transformation. Only say this if you’re okay play-acting that scenario – it’s strong stuff!
“Mmm, this tastes so good… I could eat everything you give me.” – This line works during a feeding or a meal. It compliments his food (or the act of feeding) and suggests you have an endless appetite, which is a huge turn-on for feeders who fantasize about gluttony. Imagine him offering you a spoon of ice cream while you maintain eye contact and whisper how you could just keep eating for him. That’s basically dirty talk in feeder-land! Emphasize how greedy or hungry you feel – phrases like “I just can’t get enough” or “I love how full you’re making me” reinforce the fantasy that he’s in control of your satiety.
“All this cake is going straight to my thighs… and you love it, don’t you?” – Feeders adore hearing you acknowledge the weight gain. Incorporating a little teasing about where the calories will end up makes it explicit. In one erotic anecdote, a woman “dirty talks about all that fat going to his thighs and belly” as part of the play thestranger.com. You can tweak that for your situation: talk about your own body. For example, while eating dessert, smirk and say, “Better get my bigger jeans ready – you’re gonna make my ass huge at this rate.” Said playfully, this tells him yes, I know I’m getting chubby from this, and yes, I know that turns you on. It combines a bit of humor with erotic suggestion. If you’re comfortable, you could even use more explicit phrases like “I can feel myself getting fatter for you” or “Do you want my belly even bigger? Keep feeding me then…” in a sultry tone.
“I’m so stuffed… I can barely move… Feel how tight my tummy is.” – Feederism often fetishizes the state of being stuffed to fullness. Describing how full you are and letting him actually touch or see your bloated belly can be incredibly erotic to him. You might lean back after a big dinner, take his hand and place it on your swollen stomach, and softly say, “Look what you did – I’m absolutely stuffed.” The combination of pride and faint “complaint” is sexy. It’s like saying you’ve conquered me with food. Many feeders get off on that moment when their partner is essentially in a pleasure coma from overeating. If you can eroticize it (moaning a little, arching your back, saying how good it feels), he’ll be in heaven. For example: “Oh, I couldn’t eat another bite… you’ve filled me up so much… it feels so good, baby.” Now he’s associating your bliss and satisfaction with the act of feeding – a huge psychological reward for a feeder.
Pet names and playful degradation (if you’re into it): Some feeder couples enjoy a bit of kinky name-calling. Terms like “my piggy,” “hungry girl,” or “gluttonous princess” can be used in a consensual, fun way. Only venture here if you both are comfortable with light humiliation as a kink. For instance, said with a flirtatious smile, “You’ve turned me into such a greedy piggy, haven’t you?” can make him crazy with lust – because you’re voicing his fantasy that you’ve become addicted to being fed. However, be careful: if those words make you feel hurt or self-conscious, skip them. You can achieve the same effect with more positive spins like “goddess” (e.g. “I’m your personal fertility goddess, getting fatter and juicier for you” – if you can pull off something that theatrical!). The goal is to tap into the taboo in a way that thrills both of you. Always keep an eye on each other’s comfort level and perhaps agree on what language is off-limits vs. okay.

Remember, tone and context make all the difference. A giggly "I feel like such a pig!" during an ice cream binge can come off as cute and sexy if you know he loves the idea of you being a little piggy for him. Maintain a sense of play. You might feel silly talking this way at first, but seeing his eyes light up will boost your confidence. If you need inspiration, read some erotic weight-gain stories or forums to see the kind of dialogue people use. You’ll notice common phrases like “grow for me,” “one more bite,” “can you handle another plate?” etc. You can find more guides like this and learn more under the "Erotica" menu button.

One more tip: mix talk with action (details in the next section). For example, don’t just say “feel my belly” – actually grab his hand and put it there. Or whisper one of these lines while straddling him, or during a cuddle when he’s already touching your softness. The combination of tactile sensation + the erotic talk will amplify the effect.

Above all, be authentic in the moment. You don’t have to recite a script; even just whimpering “I’m so full…” in a turned-on voice can be 100% effective. Start with simpler lines if you need to and build up to the more explicit ones as you get comfortable. You might be surprised – acting a little “naughty” and gluttonous can be quite liberating once you get into it!

Feeding the Flame: Acts and Gestures to Turn Him On

Feederism isn’t just about what you say – it’s also very much about what you do. By incorporating certain physical actions or scenarios, you can press his buttons in a big way. The good news is, you don’t have to invent these from thin air. The feeder community (and creative couples) have already discovered lots of fun, real-world ways to eroticize feeding and weight gain. Here are some concrete ideas, drawn from real tips and experiences, that you can try. Feel free to adjust each to your comfort level:

Make Meals Sensual Experiences: Don’t let eating be a boring routine – turn it into foreplay. For example, you could set up a “feeding date night”. Cook (or order) an indulgent meal, light candles, and literally feed each other bites. Many feeders love to hand-feed their partners. Try sitting on his lap facing him, and let him bring spoonfuls to your lips. Maintain eye contact and make yummy noises. It’s incredibly intimate. If you’re daring, you can blindfold yourself and let him tease you with different foods (heightening your senses). One person who was new to feedism said after hearing some ideas, “I think I’m very down for someone tying me up and feeding me strawberries...” thestranger.com – which shows even outsiders find this scenario hot! You don’t have to be tied up, but a light scarf blindfold or gentle restraint can emphasize the power dynamic in a safe way. The key is to slow down and savor it: licking a bit of chocolate off his fingers, or having him trace a whipped-cream line on your neck and then clean it off with his tongue. Mix the sensuality of food with your normal sexual routine. Food play (like using chocolate syrup, honey, etc. on each other’s bodies) can be messy but very arousing – and it directly connects food with sex, which is exactly what his fetish is about.
Belly Play and Body Worship: If there’s one part of your body your feeder man probably loves, it’s your belly (and in general, your soft areas – hips, thighs, butt). Don’t be shy about letting him enjoy them. After you eat together, invite him to rub your tummy. He might do this instinctively; many feeders find a stuffed belly extremely erotic and comforting to touch. You can lay with your head in his lap and shirt pulled up a bit so he can gently massage your abdomen. This can easily lead to more intimate touching as well (it’s a short path from belly rubs to caresses a bit lower). You can also take his hands and place them on your curves during sex or foreplay, encouraging him to squeeze or jiggle them. For instance, while on top, guide his hands to hold your waist or breasts and let him feel their weight. If you feel bold, you can playfully jiggle your tummy or thighs yourself and tease him – like, “Look how it shakes… you did this to me.” It’s a visual that will likely drive him nuts. In one couple’s story, the wife would intentionally waddle around in tight pants, her “belly swaying” with each step to excite her feeder husband confessionpost.com. You don’t have to gain 100lbs to do a mini-version of that; even a little extra wiggle and a confident strut can be super sexy. Bottom line: let him worship your growing body. If he wants to kiss your tummy, or grab your softer hips during sex, try to embrace it rather than pulling away. Seeing you accept and even enjoy attention on your bigger parts will fulfill a huge part of his kink (and can feel pretty nice for you too!).
Playful “Stuffing” Challenges: A common fetish activity in feederism is “stuffing” – basically, intentionally eating a lot in one sitting to the point of being very full. You can turn an occasional stuffing into a fun, sexy game rather than an everyday expectation. For example: movie night stuffing. Get a spread of his favorite snacks (and yours), cuddle up for a movie, and tell him you want him to see how much of the popcorn/candy you can finish. Let him encourage you: “One more bite, babe, you got this.” You might even establish a flirty “reward” – e.g., “For every slice of pizza I finish, you owe me a kiss… and for the whole pizza, well, you’ll have to do anything I want.” This makes it a two-way fun scenario. He gets the visual of you pigging out, and you get his affection/attention as incentive. Throughout, you can ham it up: lean back, rub your belly and groan dramatically about how full you are, while he cheers you on. It’s essentially roleplaying his fantasy in a lighthearted way. Pro tip: wear something a bit tight during a stuffing session – like a snug tank top or a dress with a belt you can later loosen. The sight of your tummy expanding against the fabric, or you undoing a button because you’re too full, is chef’s kiss to a feeder. If at any point you feel uncomfortable or actually sick, stop. The goal is to keep it sexy, not painful. You want that pleasantly stuffed, slightly naughty feeling – not an actual stomachache. Communicate with him about how you’re feeling physically. He’ll likely be so excited that he might forget you’re not literally an insatiable food vacuum; a gentle “Okay, I need a break” is totally fine to say.
Feeder-Themed Roleplay: Sometimes adopting a persona or fantasy scenario can help you get into it without feeling like “you” the whole time. Think of it as kinky theater. Here are a few ideas: Roleplays like these allow you to act out fantasies in a semi-structured way. They can be as silly or as serious as you want. Don’t worry about feeling a bit ridiculous – if you’re both laughing and getting turned on, you’re doing it right! Also, it can be a one-time thing or recurring “characters” you return to when in the mood. Some couples even have special codewords or nights for kink play, so it’s clear when they are in vanilla mode vs. feeder mode.
- The Indulgent Queen and Her Servant: Imagine yourself as a decadent queen/empress who loves to eat, and him as your devoted servant who brings you delicacies. You lounge (maybe in lingerie or a silky robe), commanding him to feed you chocolates and stroke your body. In this scenario, you are in power (which might feel more comfortable if you’re not into being dominated). He still gets to feed you, and you can throw in lines like, “Your Queen demands more cake – and rub my belly while you’re at it.” It’s tongue-in-cheek but sexy.
- Innocent “Oops I Got Fat” model and the Encouraging Photographer: If you both have a sense of humor, try a scene where you’re a pin-up model who has gained weight and he’s doing a photoshoot, urging you to flaunt it. He can direct you: “Stick out your tummy… yes, perfect, you look so sexy.” You pretend to be shy about your recent pounds, and he “convinces” you how hot it is. This can end with him “dropping the camera” and ravishing you because you’re just too irresistible. It’s a way to reenact that validation aspect – he’s effectively telling you how beautiful your bigger body is.
- Chef and Food Critic: He’s a chef determined to win a Michelin star from you, the esteemed critic – by absolutely overwhelming you with delicious food. You roleplay being reluctant at first (“Oh my, I really shouldn’t…”), but every dish is so amazing you can’t stop. He keeps bringing courses. You flirtatiously scold him for spoiling you, while feeding each other bites. By the “final course” you’re so full you can hardly move, and you “award” him the star by pulling him into bed. This scenario is flirty and fun, and leverages the feeding without directly talking about weight – if that part still weirds you out.
Public (or Semi-Public) Playfulness: You might keep most feeder activities private, but a little public teasing can be thrilling because it’s taboo. For instance, next time you’re at a restaurant, you could deliberately order a decadent meal or an extra appetizer. When it arrives, give him a knowing look and say something like, “You’re spoiling me tonight. You want me extra stuffed, don’t you?” under your breath. Even simply reaching over to steal food from his plate with a grin can be flirty (a feeder often enjoys a partner with a hearty appetite). If you’re at a buffet or family dinner, and you go back for seconds, maybe whisper to him, “Don’t look so excited, it’s not polite,” as a joke – because he probably is excited. Little moments like this become your inside kink language. Another idea: wear an outfit in public that you know is tighter than usual or shows a bit of tummy, especially if you’ve gained a bit. If he notices (trust me, he will), it’ll be a turn-on that others might see that you’ve filled out. You can tease him later, “Did you like how my dress was hugging my curves at the party? I caught you staring.” This makes him feel lucky and that the secret “project” (you getting curvier) is on display, which is tantalizing for feeders. Important: Only do what you are comfortable with in public. The goal is not to humiliate or expose you, just to give a slight thrill of “others can sort of tell what we’re up to” without really knowing.
Celebrate the Gains (if you choose to gain): If you have indeed put on a bit of weight (whether intentionally or incidentally), you can eroticize that milestone. For example, when you notice the scale is up or your clothes fit differently, instead of panicking, bring it into the bedroom. “Guess what, honey… your cooking has made me 5 pounds heavier!” said with a sultry smile can be incredibly arousing to him. You might even let him measure you or weigh you as a one-off sexy activity, if you’re okay with that. Some feeder couples enjoy periodic “weigh-in rituals” as part of foreplay – like you step on the scale in lingerie and he reacts with glee and then rewards you with oral sex or a massage or whatever. Again, only if you’re comfortable – for some women, numbers can be sensitive. You could instead use non-numerical signs: e.g., struggle to button your old pants in front of him, then shrug and say, “Oops, looks like someone’s getting chubby” and jump on him playfully. Show him that you’re not upset by your gains – you might even pretend to be into it (even if in real life you have mixed feelings). In the moment, it’s acting to turn him on. Later, in normal life, you can still diet or do what you want with your body; separating fantasy from reality is allowed. But during sexytimes, own those extra curves as if it’s the hottest thing ever. Confidence (even faked) is sexy. If he sees you embracing the weight in that context, it fulfills a huge part of his fetish – the scenario where you enjoy growing.

Mix and match these actions and see what resonates for both of you. Some couples in feederism find a groove where maybe once a week they’ll do a big stuffing + belly rub session, while other nights they’re normal. Others might incorporate small elements every day (like he always feeds her the last bite of dinner, or they always cuddle for 5 minutes rubbing her tummy). Find your own balance. The goal is to make feederism fun and playful rather than a chore. When you both can laugh, be sexy, and enjoy these activities, it stops feeling like you’re “pretending” and just feels like another intimate thing you do together.

Lastly, don’t underestimate the power of praise in return. After any feeder-play, let him know you appreciate his effort too: “Thank you for that amazing dinner, baby, you take such good care of me” (while resting your head on his chest and burping contently, haha). That kind of thing will make him feel on top of the world. He wants to be your provider of pleasure – so acknowledge that he did well. It will motivate him to continue being attentive to your needs, not just his fetish. And that’s how you keep the positive cycle going.

Keeping It Real: Staying You While Exploring His Kink

One of your biggest concerns might be: “How do I do this without losing myself or compromising my values/comfort?” This section is all about maintaining a healthy balance. Feederism can be one part of your multifaceted relationship – it doesn’t have to define you. Here are some guidelines for integrating his kink in a way that feels authentic and safe for you:

Set Frequency and Context Boundaries: It might help to establish when feederism play is on the menu, and when it’s not. Some women choose to keep it to specific contexts (say, only in the bedroom or only on weekends, etc.). For instance, you could agree that during regular weekday routines (work, family dinner, etc.), you’re just a normal couple – he’s not constantly pushing food on you – but Friday night is “fetish night” where you’ll order a feast and play roles. Having these boundaries can prevent the kink from bleeding into every moment of your life. It ensures you don’t feel like you have to be a feedee 24/7. Communicate this clearly: “I’m happy to do XYZ when we’re in the mood, but I need you to treat me normally otherwise.” That way, if you say “no thanks” to a second helping on Tuesday, it’s understood as normal and not a mood killer. This separation can actually make the feeder-play times more exciting, because they’re a special event rather than an obligation.
Maintain Your Autonomy: Remember that you are in control of your own body. Agreeing to indulge his feeder fantasy is not signing away your bodily autonomy. You can stop any activity at any time if you feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or simply not into it that day. It’s important he understands this too. Perhaps establish a safe word or signal for kink scenes – this is common in BDSM and can apply here. For example, if you say “Red light” or “I’m done,” it means everything feeder-related pauses immediately, no questions. Even outside of formal scenes, you should feel free to tell him, “Hey, please ease up, it’s too much right now,” if he’s getting carried away (like commenting too often about what you eat or your weight). A loving partner will respect that. Never tolerate feeling coerced. If you sense he’s guilt-tripping you – like making sad faces if you don’t finish food, or continually begging after you said no – have a serious talk. He might not even realize he’s doing it, especially if he’s very wrapped up in excitement. Explain how that makes you feel and re-establish boundaries.
Monitor Your Emotional Well-being: Check in with yourself regularly. After a big feeder play session or a period of trying this, ask: “How do I feel about myself? How do I feel about him?” Ideally, you’ll feel closer to him and maybe proud that you could fulfill his fantasy. But if you notice feelings of depression, disgust, or anxiety creeping in, don’t ignore them. It’s possible to feel a bit conflicted (that’s normal), but overall you should not feel degraded or unloved. If negative feelings persist, consider talking to a therapist or someone you trust to work through them. Sometimes just articulating the weirdness out loud (“He likes when I eat a lot… I feel strange about my body now”) can help you process it. You might decide to adjust how you engage with the fetish to make it healthier for you. For example, maybe gaining weight was making you unhappy, so you dial that back but still do the verbal/roleplay aspects that don’t permanently change your body. There are many ways to participate – you have the right to shape this experience so it’s mutually satisfying.
Insist on Mutual Pleasure: A common mistake in fulfilling a partner’s kink is to focus 100% on their pleasure and forget about yours. Don’t let that happen. Your pleasure matters! Ideally, feederism play can be arousing for you too – perhaps because you enjoy his reaction, or you find the sensuality of food enjoyable. But if eating until you’re bloated isn’t exactly giving you orgasms, make sure other elements in your intimacy still center on you. For instance, maybe after a stuffing session, he gives you a long erotic massage or oral sex – something that gets you off. This way you positively reinforce in your own mind that “When I do this for him, I also get rewarded with great pleasure.” It shouldn’t be one-sided. A great strategy is to mix his fetish with your kinks. Suppose you love a certain kind of foreplay or have a thing for lingerie – incorporate that alongside feeder stuff. Wear sexy lingerie during a feeding, or tell him you’ll do a stuffing challenge and then you expect a romantic bubble bath together (or whatever makes you feel loved). By interweaving each of your needs, neither of you feels neglected. You become true partners in satisfying each other.
Keep an Eye on Health (Physical & Mental): It’s worth stating plainly – feederism, if taken to extremes, can have health consequences (significant weight gain, etc.). Since you aren’t inherently into the kink, you likely don’t want to wreck your health for it. Make a pact with yourself that you won’t do anything that endangers you. That means if you feel sick from overeating, you’ll stop. If your weight reaches a point where you feel physically unwell or it triggers self-esteem issues, you’ll communicate that and take action (like getting active or adjusting diet) even if it disappoints him. Some couples find a compromise in gaining and losing cycles – maybe you allow a little gain for fun, but then you diet back down, and so on. If that works for you, fine. If you prefer to stay at a steady weight, that’s fine too. You might let him know, “I’m okay being X size but I’m going to keep going to the gym so I don’t go beyond that.” Find a middle ground between fetish and fitness that you are happy with. Additionally, protect your mental health. If you start developing disordered eating habits (either overeating beyond comfort or undereating out of rebellion or stress), pause the feeder games and possibly seek professional guidance. The goal is for this kink to add spice, not distress, to your life.
Keep it Private (if you want): One way to feel more “yourself” is to maintain a bit of privacy about this kink. You don’t owe anyone an explanation about your weight changes or bedroom habits. If you gain some weight and friends or family comment, you can just shrug it off with a generic “Haha, happy relationship pounds!” or “Yep, his cooking is too good.” You don’t have to explain, “Oh, it’s for a fetish.” Keeping that boundary between your public life and your intimate life can help you compartmentalize. It reminds you that you are in control of who knows what. Some couples in alternative lifestyle communities find support in those communities, but since you’re not personally into feederism, you might not want to join fetish forums or anything (unless out of curiosity). That’s okay. You can keep it as an inside joke/kink between you two. If he’s active on feederism forums or follows feeder porn, that’s fine, but you might set a boundary like, “Please don’t post my pictures or share our private life with others.” You have a right to privacy. Being secure in that will help you engage more freely at home, because you know it’s your safe space.
Embrace What You Get Out of It: Even if feederism isn’t intrinsically your fetish, you might discover some fringe benefits or aspects you do enjoy. Maybe you love the extra attention – he’s cooking for you, pampering you, complimenting you constantly. Enjoy that! Maybe you actually find that eating lavishly without guilt is sort of liberating (diet culture is exhausting, after all). In the feederism world, appetite is sexy, which can be a refreshing change. You might start to feel more confident eating heartily in front of him (and even in public) because you know he adores it. That’s a plus! Some women even report that they got more comfortable with their body through their feeder partner’s eyes – they stopped hating their tummy or thighs because he showed so much love to those parts. That can be incredibly healing if you let it in. Also, there’s the simple fact of more great sex – trying new things, roleplaying, indulging in fantasies can absolutely ramp up the passion. So even if weight itself isn’t your kink, the energy of the kink (the naughtiness, the physical indulgence, the power play) might arouse you in unexpected ways. Pay attention to what parts do turn you on. Maybe you realize that having your belly rubbed while you’re full is oddly soothing and erotic. Or you get excited when he gets a little bossy in telling you to have another bite. If anything gives you a spark, incorporate it for your pleasure too. This way it’s not “me doing his kink”, it’s “our special sensual thing together.”

Finally, maintain perspective: You are a whole person with many facets – and he fell in love with all of you. Feederism is just one facet of him. Treat it as a shared adventure you’re undertaking out of love and curiosity. It’s okay to laugh together about how wild or silly it can be (“I can’t believe I’m basically giving you a lapdance with a burger in my hand, what has my life come to?!” 😂). Keeping a sense of humor and normalcy will remind you that you’re still you, he’s still him, and this is ultimately about two dorks in love trying to make each other happy.

At the end of the day, your relationship’s strength is the priority. If something isn’t working, you two can adjust, step back, or seek advice (even couples counseling, if needed, from a kink-aware therapist). As long as you treat each other with respect and compassion, you can navigate this. Many couples with differing kinks find their own rhythm – it’s a journey of trial and error, and that’s okay.

In summary: Communicate openly, protect your well-being, find the fun in it, and never lose sight of the love that underpins it all. You’re not just “a feedee” – you’re a beloved partner who is generously exploring a fantasy for the sake of mutual joy. That’s something to feel good about. 💖

Bringing You Closer: Finding Joy and Connection in Feederism

When handled with care, engaging in your partner’s feederism fetish can actually bring a unique intimacy between you two. By now you’ve armed yourself with knowledge, set boundaries, learned some tricks of the trade, and perhaps dipped your toes (or whole body!) into the feeder/play pool. As we wrap up this ultraguide, let’s focus on the positives and the purpose behind it all: increasing the joy and connection for both of you.

Remember the Why: You’re doing this because you love him and want to make him happy – and he, in turn, is likely over the moon that you’re willing to try. That’s a beautiful thing! Couples often deepen their bond when they share their hidden fantasies. He trusted you with something very vulnerable, and you responded with openness. Give yourself credit for that emotional labor and bravery. And acknowledge him for being honest with you. This honesty can lead to a kind of closeness that “vanilla” exploration might never reach. It’s you two against the world – you have a secret together, a private sphere of play that is deeply personal. Many couples find that this secret play, even if unusual, makes them feel like partners in crime (in a fun way). It can strengthen your sense of being a team.

Find Your Fun In It: Even if feederism isn’t what you’d pick off a menu of kinks, by tailoring the experience, you might discover it’s more enjoyable than you expected. Focus on the aspects that delight you. Do you love seeing him act like a kid in a candy store when you suggest ordering dessert? Enjoy that ego boost! Do you find the actual feeding sessions relaxing or arousing in ways? Embrace that. There’s no “wrong” way to feel. Some women actually come to fetishize their partner’s pleasure – meaning, you get turned on because he’s turned on. That’s a thing! Seeing his eyes dark with desire when you take an extra bite might start to give you a naughty thrill: Look what I can do to him. That empowerment is sexy. Alternatively, maybe you just really love chocolate cake and now you have an excuse to eat it sensually – hey, that’s a win too 😅. The more you can reframe activities as mutually rewarding, the less it feels like a sacrifice and the more it feels like a shared kink.

Stay Connected Emotionally: Use feeder play as an opportunity to express affection. Compliment each other often. He should still tell you you’re beautiful and loved (and not only say “you’re getting fatter” as a compliment – a little “you have the prettiest eyes” or “I love your laugh” goes a long way to keep things well-rounded). You too can compliment him – not just “thanks for the food,” but how about “you look so sexy when you take care of me like that” or “you’re the only man who makes me feel this safe to be myself.” These kinds of comments during or after fetish play anchor it in love. It reminds both of you that this isn’t just an elaborate porno scenario; it’s an expression of your bond. After a stuffing or a heavy scene, cuddle and decompress. This is known as aftercare in BDSM circles, and it applies here. Maybe you curl up and watch a show or he gives you a gentle backrub. This lets any intense energy settle and reaffirms the tenderness between you.

Grow Together (Figuratively!): The experience of navigating this kink can actually be a journey of growth for you as a couple. You’ll learn more about communication, trust, and each other’s psyches than the average pair. These skills translate to other areas of life too. If you can openly talk about “hey honey, I’m not comfortable with you calling me a pig in bed, can we try a different approach,” then you’re definitely equipped to talk about say, finances or family issues with openness. It builds trust: you see that you can be truthful and the sky won’t fall. Also, overcoming challenges like mismatched desires together can strengthen your resilience. It’s like a relationship workout – it might be hard at times, but you come out stronger.

Know When to Pause: Despite best efforts, there may be times one of you needs to pause or adjust. That is not failure – that’s just life. Health changes, stress at work, pregnancy, whatever – there might be periods where feeder play goes on the backburner. As long as you communicate, this is fine. Maybe he’ll go back to fantasizing or watching feeder content solo for a while, and you take a break. Or vice versa: maybe you surprise him one day after a hiatus with a little feeder-themed romp to rekindle it. The key is flexibility. Over many years, couples ebb and flow in all sexual interests. So don’t put pressure that you always have to keep this up. You’re allowed to evolve. The relationship endures through phases.

Celebrate the Uniqueness: It might feel a bit odd, but perhaps find some humor and pride in having a unique sexual niche! You could joke privately, “Well, we’re definitely the only ones of our friends doing this!” and laugh together. Being able to lightheartedly acknowledge it helps remove any lingering shame. It becomes “our quirky thing” that you both accept. Some couples even develop cute codewords – e.g., calling a big meal “going to the gym” ironically. (“Tonight’s plan? A little session at our personal gym… 😏” where gym secretly means stuffing, etc.) Inside jokes like that make you feel closer and make the whole thing feel normal within your bubble.

He Still Loves You, Not Just the Kink: One fear you might have is, “Does he only want me because I’m participating in this? What if I stop – will he stop loving me?” It’s important to internalize that while the fetish is a big turn-on, it’s not the entirety of his love. As evidenced by many feeders who stay with partners that aren’t into it, there is often so much more they value. He likely loves your personality, your face, your heart, your intellect – and yes, also your body in whatever form. The fetish might enhance his sexual satisfaction, but it’s not a replacement for you as a person. In fact, by engaging with it, you’ve probably become even more precious to him (because you accept him fully). One woman was told by advisors, “He can find a woman who consents to being fed for his fetish… You love the guy you thought he was. He is not that guy. Turn him loose.” reddit.com – essentially suggesting if a guy only cares about the kink and not her, leave. In your case, your man is the guy you love, and he hasn’t “turned you loose” because you aren’t a fetish model – he chose you. Keep that perspective. You are clearly more than an interchangeable “feedee” to him, or he’d be off chasing plus-size models on fetish sites, not working it out tenderly with you. So, as much as you cater to his fetish, make sure he continues to show appreciation for you. If he’s smart, he’ll know that keeping you feeling loved is the best way to ensure you’ll continue indulging him.

Enjoy the Food and Fun: On a lighter note – hey, you get to enjoy some delicious treats along the way. There’s a saying in feederism circles: “Calories don’t count if they’re part of sex.” 😄 While that’s not literally true, it captures the idea that you can let go and savor experiences without guilt. How many people get to say their partner literally worships them eating cheesecake? Take advantage of that! Relish the freedom to order dessert or have lazy Sundays eating pancakes in bed with extra syrup. When done occasionally, those moments can be joyful and sensual. Life’s too short to always count calories. If this kink has a silver lining, it’s celebrating pleasure over restriction. There’s something feminist in flipping the script: society says “don’t eat, be small, be demure,” but here you are being openly indulgent and desired for it. That can feel oddly empowering once you get past the initial strangeness.

In closing, approach this journey with a spirit of adventure and love. You two are essentially creating a little world of your own where fantasy and reality blur in the service of making each other happy. That’s kind of romantic, isn’t it? Whether you end up just incorporating a few phrases during sex or going full-on with elaborate feedist play, the point is you’re doing it together. Keep communicating, keep experimenting to find what works, and don’t forget to have fun with it.

Your willingness to step into his world is a profound gift to him – and if all goes well, he’ll make sure you feel like a goddess in return (albeit a well-fed one!). As long as you feel respected and loved, there’s no reason you both can’t greatly enjoy this unique intimacy.

So go forth, whisper something naughty in his ear with a piece of chocolate on your tongue, and watch your relationship flourish in both love and lust. Here’s to you and your partner finding new depths of joy and connection – one bite at a time. Bon appétit and happy loving! 🍽️❤️

Sources:

Reddit user in r/Advice describing her conflict in supporting a feeder partner reddit.com, and advice reminding her that she isn’t obligated to fulfill every fetish – “Know that you are enough.” reddit.com
Academic insight on feederism: “sexual arousal and gratification [from] the partner gaining body fat” womenshealthsa.co.za and “The feeder gets horny knowing that his partner is eating and gaining… super-stuffed belly feeling… as good as it gets for a feeder” collectionscanada.gc.ca
Feeder perspective quotes: Damon’s comment on the joy of nurturing in feederism collectionscanada.gc.ca, and an example of an extreme control aspect (noting some feeders seek ultimate control over an immobilized partner boards.ie – a mindset not universal to all feeders).
Thusani’s story (“I Married a Feeder…”) illustrating the dangers of an unchecked feeder relationship – “Please don’t change how you look… The more I gained, the more my husband seemed content” womenshealthsa.co.za womenshealthsa.co.za, leading to an unhealthy dynamic womenshealthsa.co.za.
Feeder forum advice emphasizing consent: “Whatever you do, DO NOT secretly feed her… If she’s cool with gaining… great, if not, you need to respect it.” fantasyfeeder.com
Feeder partner success story: Taking it slow and building trust – “It took years for me to get my wife comfortable… I just kept adoring her… She likes the cooking… ensure she is taken care of” fantasyfeeder.com.
Tumblr feedee’s feelings: “I feel like my body is never good enough because a feeder just wants me fatter… If you can resist me to change me then I don’t feel very well liked.” dandelioninajungle.tumblr.com
Erotic/roleplay examples: A wife’s dirty talk “I love being fat, I want to get fatter… I’d love you to fatten me, I want to get really fat” turned her feeder husband on immensely confessionpost.com, and reference to dirty talk about fat distribution (“all that fat going to [their] thighs and belly”) as part of weight-gain roleplay thestranger.com.
Feeder/play ideas from community: One feeder with non-feedist partners shares, “We do roleplay, going to buffets… general talk about how sexy fat is, gentle teasing, etc.” fantasyfeeder.com as ways to involve a partner who isn’t actively gaining.