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Psychology & Self-Reflection

The Darkest Edge of Feederism: Masochism, Trauma, and the Psychology of Death Feederism

This is the darkest edge of feederism, where erotic weight gain crosses into dangerous territory, revealing the psychology behind feeder-feedee relationships.

Clair Horwell
Clair Horwell
25 min read
The Darkest Edge of Feederism: Masochism, Trauma, and the Psychology of Death Feederism
Photo by Breno Machado / Unsplash

Feederism is a sexual fetish centered around eating and weight gain – typically involving a feeder, who provides food, and a feedee, who consumes it for pleasure. In most cases this fetish involves consensual weight gain and erotic enjoyment of food. At its extremes, however, feederism can take a far more dangerous turn. The “darkest edge” of feederism, often dubbed “death feederism,” goes beyond mere indulgence into a realm where the fetish crosses into life-threatening territory. Here we find feedees who intentionally seek immobility or extreme obesity as part of their arousal, even at the cost of their health or life, and feeders who derive sexual gratification from fattening their partners to dangerous, potentially fatal sizes. This article takes an unsparing look at these extreme manifestations – examining the psychology of those involved, the role of masochism, potential links to trauma, and what happens when a fetish for weight gain becomes fatal.

The Psychology of the Feedee: Why Some Women Desire to Gain Weight
Discussing the complex psychology of feederism, from submission and validation to trauma and rebellion, revealing why some women erotically crave weight gain.
Feederism.orgClair Horwell

Understanding Feederism and “Death Feederism”

By definition, feederism is a form of paraphilia (atypical sexual interest) in which feeding and gaining weight are eroticized. One clinical description explains that “Feederism is a paraphilia where feeders are sexually aroused by feeding their partners and encouraging them to gain weight, while feedees are aroused by being fed and gaining weight” psychiatrist.com. In other words, it’s a weight-gain fetish: the process of growing fatter is central to the sexual excitement. Feederism overlaps with fat fetishism (adipophilia) – attraction to overweight bodies – but specifically emphasizes active feeding and growth.

Within feederism, there is a wide spectrum of practices and intensity. Many feeder-feedee relationships are relatively moderate – the feedee might gain weight to a point both partners find attractive, but not to the extent of serious harm. However, at the far end of this spectrum lies what some in the community grimly call “death feederism.” As one former feedee explains, “There’s also a half of it called ‘Death Feederism,’ which is basically feeding someone to the point where they’re so overweight, they die” reddit.com. In death feederism scenarios, the end goal or fetishistic fantasy is extreme obesity with fatal consequences. A plus-size model who encountered a predator in the community put it bluntly: “Death feederism is what it sounds like. It’s feeding someone to the point they get so big and so fat that they die.” perthnow.com.au. This might involve a feeder intentionally pushing a partner’s weight to the brink, or a feedee who wants to become a literal immobile “bedbound” person even if it means risking death.

It’s important to note that not all feeders or feedees endorse these extreme aims. In fact, many in the fetish community view “death feederism” with alarm. Even experienced feeders often draw a line at actively endangering a partner’s life – consensual fetish play can exist without an actual death wish. One long-time feedee remarked that “‘Death feederism’ as it’s called is a hard no” for most people, and only a relatively small subset of feeders/feedees are into it, often “only in fantasy” reddit.com. Nevertheless, those fantasies do sometimes cross into reality. This is where feederism stops being a quirky kink and starts to resemble something more like slow-motion self-harm or abuse. The cases that follow illustrate how and why some individuals find themselves on this perilous path.

Feedees Who Seek Extreme Obesity and Immobility

One striking aspect of the most extreme feederism is the role of the feedee – the person gaining the weight. In “death feederism” scenarios, some feedees actively fantasize about – or even pursue – becoming immobile or disablingly obese as part of their sexual fulfillment. What would drive someone to want this? The answer is complex, rooted in psychology and often in personal history.

For certain feedees, the idea of growing enormously fat – to the point of being unable to walk, completely dependent on others for care – holds a deep erotic charge. This desire can be seen as a form of sexual masochism, where pleasure is derived from one’s own humiliation, suffering, or loss of control. A case study of a female feedee (called “Lisa”) found that her most arousing fantasies involved “being controlled, dominated, and humiliated” during feederism role play opus.uleth.caopus.uleth.ca. For Lisa, who had once been obsessed with dieting, the “most humiliating and degrading experience” – and therefore the most sexually exciting – was to become fat and have others call attention to it opus.uleth.ca. In this mindset, intentionally gaining an enormous amount of weight and hearing herself called names like “piggy” or “fat cow” can be an expression of masochism. The shame is the point; it feeds the arousal. Researchers have indeed suggested that feederism may be “one more thematic variation on sadomasochism” opus.uleth.ca. The feedee “surrenders” by eating and growing fatter, while the feeder takes on the dominating role – a dynamic very much like a BDSM power exchange, albeit with food instead of whips.

Beyond humiliation, extreme feedees may also derive excitement from the idea of helplessness. To be immobile – literally unable to get out of bed due to one’s size – is to fully relinquish control over one’s body. This appeals to the same psychological needs as other forms of submission. According to psychologist Roy Baumeister’s “Escape from Self” theory, sexual masochism allows an individual to shed the burdens of identity and responsibility opus.uleth.caopus.uleth.ca. By being rendered powerless – for example, being force-fed until you can’t move, and being openly degraded for your size – a person might temporarily “escape” their normal self with all its stresses opus.uleth.ca. In the context of feederism, a feedee who yearns for immobility may be seeking that very release: an almost meditative surrender where they become nothing but a soft, fattened body experiencing raw sensation (food, fullness, and sexual stimulation) with no other expectations on them. One could say the ultimate submission for a feedee is to become a prisoner of their own flesh – a condition some find perversely comforting.

There can also be an element of self-destructive impulse in these desires. Choosing to eat oneself into a state of illness or disability suggests an undercurrent of thanatos (a death wish) entwined with eros. Some feedees talk about wanting to be “so fat it kills me” not just as an abstract fantasy but as an actual goal. This overlaps with disordered eating and even self-harm behaviors. Instead of razor blades or drugs, food and fat become the tool of slow destruction. In extreme cases, the feedee’s mindset might resemble a form of passive suicide – a willingness to trade their life for the temporary high of indulgence and the emotional fulfillment they get from the fetish. A chilling example comes from a candid Reddit confession (unrelated to feederism specifically) where one user admitted, “Physical abuse woke a deep level of masochism in me that now needs to be fulfilled” reddit.com. In feederism, especially among those with trauma histories, getting ever larger can be a way of “fulfilling” a deeply ingrained need to hurt oneself or be hurt.

It’s worth noting that trauma and low self-esteem are recurring themes among some feedees on the dark side of this fetish. Many have faced years of fat-shaming or personal trauma. Gaining weight might start as a twisted form of comfort or protection – for instance, survivors of childhood sexual abuse sometimes overeat or gain weight as a subconscious defense mechanism. In fact, plus-size model Rosie Jean shared that “her weight gain started after she was sexually abused as a small child.” perthnow.com.au The weight, in a sense, can become a barrier or an excuse to avoid unwanted attention. But when that coping strategy becomes sexualized, it can evolve into feederism. Rosie herself later got pulled into an extreme feederism situation (more on her story below). The point is that unresolved trauma can significantly shape a feedee’s motivations. What looks like a bizarre fetish from the outside may, for the person living it, be tied up in replaying past pain in an “empowering” way – by choosing it this time – or believing that becoming hugely fat is all they deserve, reinforcing negative self-image.

The physical consequences for feedees who pursue extreme obesity are, predictably, devastating. Health rapidly deteriorates as weight climbs into the high hundreds of pounds. Mobility decreases until simple tasks become impossible. Patty Sanchez, a woman who once weighed over 700 lbs while in a feeder relationship, described how at her peak “I was… feeling like I was ‘dying a slow death’” independent.co.uk. She reached the point where “at 721 lbs [she] couldn't walk three steps to the bathroom from [her] bed” independent.co.uk. That level of dependence – being effectively bedbound – is precisely the scenario some feedees fetishize. But it often comes with isolation, depression, and frightening health issues (from heart failure to respiratory problems and rampant infections). Some feedees do not fully grasp the medical reality of what they are chasing – diabetes, organ stress, even sudden death from a heart attack or pulmonary embolism become ever more likely as the body is pushed to its limits. Tragically, a feedee deep into the fetish might downplay these risks, focusing only on the erotic thrill of the next stuffing or the number on the scale. By the time they realize they truly are “dying a slow death,” it may be too late to turn back.

Feeders Who Push Boundaries: Control, Sadism, and “Death Feederism”

On the other side of this dangerous coin is the feeder – the person encouraging (or actively fattening) their partner. In healthy expressions of feederism, the feeder derives pleasure simply from seeing a partner happily indulge and grow; it can be a nurturing, if unconventional, sort of kink. But when taken to extremes, the feeder role can morph into something far more controlling, predatory, or even sadistic. “Death feederism” often involves feeders who seek total power over a feedee – dominating their body by making it ever more dependent and unwell.

An extreme feeder might fetishize control above all. Food becomes the tool of manipulation. In many reported cases, feeders engaged in harmful feeding will groom their partners much like other abusers do. They may start by lavishing the feedee with praise and attention – making them feel like the center of the world – but only as long as they continue gaining weight. A former feedee who was groomed as a teenager described some red flags: the feeders would tell her how “huge” they planned to make her, call her their “pig” in a mix of insult and endearment, and constantly push her to eat more while praising her body only for getting fatter reddit.com reddit.com. This combination of degradation and praise is a classic tactic to break down someone’s self-worth and resistance. Over time, the feedee may become emotionally dependent on the feeder’s approval, willing to do anything (or eat anything) to please them.

In the darkest scenarios, feeders deliberately foster dependency. They may encourage the feedee to quit their job, avoid family or friends, and rely on the feeder for all meals and care – effectively isolating them. As the feedee grows larger and less mobile, the balance of power tips entirely to the feeder. At extreme weights, the feedee cannot easily leave or even survive alone; the feeder literally controls access to food, hygiene, and sometimes medical care. This is disturbingly similar to certain cases of domestic abuse where an abuser controls the victim’s environment and needs (financial, medical, etc.) to trap them. In fact, a 2020 academic analysis argued that feederism, in its abusive form, “can be seen as a form of intimate partner violence” characterized by coercive control pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.govtandfonline.com. The feeder essentially imprisons the feedee in a cage made of their own body.

Some feeders are turned on by the helplessness and humiliation of their partner – a sadistic streak akin to sexual sadists who enjoy inflicting pain. Instead of whips or bondage, the feeder’s “tools” are junk food, weight scales, and maybe restraints like funnel feeding or tying the feedee down during stuffings (these extreme practices do crop up in fetish fiction and occasionally in real life whispers collectionscanada.gc.ca). One academic recounting by Samantha Murray painted a particularly ghastly picture of a dominant feeder scenario: “a dominant male master… derives sexual excitement from watching his submissive servant grow fatter and fatter as he forces her to eat more and more,” eventually force-feeding her via funnel until she’s completely immobilized, unable to even clean herself or leave the house. Once he’s achieved this goal of incapacitating his feedee, he abandons her and moves on to find another victim collectionscanada.gc.ca. This description may be sensationalized (and Murray was criticized for implying all feeders do this collectionscanada.gc.ca collectionscanada.gc.ca), but it captures the nightmarish potential of a sadistic feeder-feedee relationship: the feedee becomes a literal object, a “monstrous creature” created for the feeder’s pleasure, used until no longer desired collectionscanada.gc.ca collectionscanada.gc.ca.

It must be said that not every extreme feeder fits the mold of a cold-hearted villain. Some truly convince themselves they are helping or loving their partner, even as they feed them towards an early grave. Denial and rationalization run strong. A revealing interview excerpt from one feeder (dubbed “Dewayne” in a sociological study) shows how they justify their actions. Dewayne was actively encouraging his wife to gain weight even though he knew she’d soon be immobile. He refused any responsibility for the outcome, stating “no, it’s up to her entirely! I would be fine if she weighed 1000 lbs… It’s her personal responsibility.” collectionscanada.gc.ca. In his mind, because his wife consented to the feederism lifestyle, anything that happens – even her becoming bedridden or dying – is “her choice.” He went further to ridicule the very idea that a feeder could force someone to get fat: “Claiming you were forced into a life of gorging and gluttony until you became too big to escape is almost comical… It’s almost like saying that I didn’t know I would get burned when I played with matches.” collectionscanada.gc.ca collectionscanada.gc.ca. According to this feeder, “any sane feeder doesn’t want his feedee to die,” yet “dying is an inescapable part of life” if you overindulge collectionscanada.gc.ca – in short, she is the glutton “playing with fire,” and the consequences are her fault, not his. He acknowledged that “health and personal welfare” will be compromised and that anyone entering this kind of relationship “must expect an obvious outcome” collectionscanada.gc.ca, but still he continued to feed his wife eagerly. This is a prime example of cognitive dissonance and denial. The feeder maintains a self-image of innocence (“I’m not killing her; she did this to herself”) even while participating in the very behavior that’s causing harm.

Feeder rationalizations often mirror those of addicts or enabling partners: “We’re just living our fetish lifestyle; everyone dies somehow; might as well die doing what you love,” etc. In online forums, you’ll even see arguments that the feedee wants it and thus the feeder is providing a service, however extreme. But peel back the justifications, and it’s clear that extreme feeders are at least complicit in harming someone they claim to love. In some cases, the dynamic edges into what could be called murder by indulgence – effectively killing someone with kindness (and thousands of calories). This raises thorny ethical and legal questions: If a feeder intentionally feeds someone to death, is it consent or is it homicide? Society hasn’t quite caught up with this phenomenon to give a clear answer. What’s clear is that within these relationships, the feeder wields enormous power. The fetish for control and the godlike feeling of being able to literally shape (and potentially snuff out) another person’s body and life is an intoxicant for certain disturbed individuals.

Finally, there is the intersection of psychological sadism beyond the physical. Recall Rosie Jean’s account: she described her stalker feeder as being into “trauma porn” – essentially, he got off on her tragic backstory and wanted to exploit her trauma for his own pleasure perthnow.com.au. He manipulated her emotions, coerced her into cheating on her boyfriend and meeting him in a hotel where “he coerced her into being fed while they made love” perthnow.com.au. This anecdote highlights that for some feeders, breaking someone’s will and boundaries is the ultimate satisfaction. It’s not just about fattening their body, but also about warping their mind – making the feedee utterly submit and even participate in their own destruction. The power dynamic here is extreme: the feeder as puppet-master, the feedee as a doll being fattened and used. It’s a dynamic that fulfills not only sexual desires but also gives the feeder a sense of dominance and importance that they may lack in other areas of life.

In summary, the feeders at the “death” edge of feederism often display behaviors and motivations akin to those of abusers: grooming, coercion, control, sadism, and denial of responsibility. Whether they frame it as “just a kink” or not, they participate in – and often orchestrate – a pattern that endangers another person’s health and autonomy. It is a dark dance of codependence: the feedee may consent, but that consent is frequently tainted by emotional dependency, manipulation, or unresolved psychological issues.

Psychological Roots: Trauma, Paraphilia, and Self-Destruction

To truly understand how feederism can venture into such morbid territory, we have to examine the psychological underpinnings. Extreme feederism doesn’t exist in a vacuum; it intersects with various psychological phenomena – from recognized paraphilic disorders to trauma responses and personality pathology. Here are some key lenses through which psychologists and researchers view this extreme weight-gain fetish:

  • Paraphilia and Sexual Masochism: Feederism is broadly classed as a paraphilia (an atypical sexual interest), and many researchers see overlaps with fetishistic disorder and sexual masochism. The act of being fed to excess can be construed as a form of masochism – the feedee “suffers” (through overstuffing, discomfort, public stigma, health consequences) and finds it arousing. Likewise, the feeder’s role can have shades of sexual sadism (deriving pleasure from another’s debasement). In an academic case study, a feedee’s feederism role-play was explicitly linked to masochistic themes of “humiliation” and “loss of control” opus.uleth.ca. The power exchange in feederism – one partner growing vulnerable while the other exerts influence – is analogous to BDSM dynamics, just manifested through food. Some experts even label feederism a thematic variation of sadomasochism opus.uleth.ca. That said, feederism is not formally listed in diagnostic manuals as its own disorder; it would fall under “Other Specified Paraphilic Disorder” if it causes harm. When participants take it to the lethal extreme, it certainly crosses into what psychiatry would consider a disordered realm (because it involves significant harm). The fetishistic focus on fat and eating also aligns with something called morphophilia – sexual arousal from specific body shapes or sizes. In this case the preferred morphology is extreme obesity. The bottom line: the psychology of extreme feederism is closely tied to the psychology of BDSM, domination/submission, and the transferral of pain or risk into pleasure.
  • Trauma and Attachment Issues: It is often theorized (and supported by anecdotal evidence) that traumatic experiences, especially in childhood, can shape later sexual behavior in unusual ways. People who have endured abuse or loss sometimes develop paraphilias that re-enact elements of their trauma – either as a way to gain a sense of mastery over it, or simply because the wiring of arousal got crossed with traumatic stress early on. In the context of feederism, we’ve seen how Rosie’s childhood sexual abuse preceded her massive weight gain and exploitation by a feeder perthnow.com.au. On mental health forums, individuals with disorders like BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) have discussed “fetishizing their traumas”, for example turning rape or abuse into CNC (consensual non-consent) sexual fantasies reddit.com. Similarly, a feedee who suffered from years of bullying for being fat might lean into that identity and sexualize it as an adult, essentially saying, “If people called me a pig when I was a kid, I’ll become the biggest pig and get off on it.” It’s a coping mechanism, albeit a risky one. Additionally, attachment theory might shed light here: someone with an insecure or anxious attachment style, perhaps due to early abandonment or instability, could become desperate to please a partner (fearful of being alone). If that partner is a feeder, the attachment need might override self-preservation – the feedee will comply with gaining beyond safe limits just to keep their lover. There’s also the possibility of a trauma-bond forming: the cycle of abuse (feeder praising then degrading, giving food as “love” then expressing disgust) can psychologically hook someone the way domestic abuse victims become bonded to their abusers. Unraveling trauma’s role in death feederism is complex, but it’s evident that many extreme cases involve people who carry deep emotional wounds. The fetish then becomes an arena where those wounds are both inflicted and soothed, in a vicious, self-perpetuating circle.
  • Eating Disorders and Self-Harm: Feederism sits at an unusual crossroads of sex and food. On one level, it’s very much a sexual fetish; on another, it bears resemblance to eating disorders. Feedees in extreme scenarios engage in behavior that looks like binge eating disorder (consuming huge quantities well past fullness) or even food addiction. The difference is, it’s encouraged and eroticized by both parties rather than done in private shame. Nonetheless, the health impact is the same, and guilt and shame often follow in quiet moments. In Rosie’s case, after escaping her stalker, she acknowledged needing treatment for an eating disorder and PTSD perthnow.com.au. It highlights how the line between fetish and pathology can blur – she was simultaneously experiencing a paraphilia and an eating disorder. Moreover, the self-destructive aspect of death feederism echoes classic self-harm or suicidal behavior. The feedee is, in essence, systematically harming their body (with food instead of a blade). Some mental health professionals might interpret a willingness to “eat oneself to death” as a sign of severe depression or even a passive suicide attempt. Indeed, depression is likely common in these extreme cases – food can be a comfort for depression, and fetish or not, sinking into extreme obesity often worsens depressive isolation, creating a feedback loop. In summary, extreme feederism can involve disordered eating and functions as a form of slow self-harm, even if coated in the gloss of a fetish.
  • Personality Disorders and Power Dynamics: While research specifically on feederism and personality disorders is scant, one can speculate based on observed behaviors. Feedees who allow their partners to basically feed them to death may exhibit traits associated with Dependent Personality Disorder (excessive need to be taken care of, submissiveness) or Borderline Personality Disorder (impulsivity, identity disturbance, self-harm, fear of abandonment – any of which could play into staying in a harmful feeder relationship). The emotional highs and lows of feederism (feeder showers love with food, then maybe expresses disgust or the feedee feels guilt) could even create something akin to the instability seen in BPD relationships. On the feeder side, one might encounter traits of Narcissistic Personality (an inflated sense of self – the feeder acting as an omnipotent provider who “knows best” for the feedee), or even Antisocial Personality (lack of empathy, seeing the partner as an object for pleasure without regard for their well-being). The feeder “Dewayne” we met earlier exhibited a striking lack of empathy and a refusal to accept responsibility – hallmarks of narcissistic or antisocial thinking – he genuinely did not care if his wife became miserable or died as long as he got what he wanted collectionscanada.gc.ca collectionscanada.gc.ca. Additionally, the rigid control some feeders exert and their use of manipulation aligns with psychopathic tendencies (superficial charm followed by cruel manipulation). While we can’t diagnose these individuals from anecdotes alone, it’s reasonable to say that extreme feederism often involves pathological personality dynamics on one or both sides. At the very least, the power imbalance is huge – one person literally grows stronger (or stays fit) while the other grows weaker and more dependent – and such lopsided relationships are fertile ground for abuse.

In essence, the psychology of “death feederism” is a tapestry woven of various dark threads: an unusual fetish magnified by trauma, reinforced by power and control, and driven to extremes by underlying mental health issues. It’s not a simple kink one can blithely try on; when it reaches this stage, it’s often the manifestation of deeper turmoil in one or both partners. Understanding this is key to being able to approach the topic without knee-jerk judgment yet with appropriate concern. These individuals are often not just hedonistic fetishists – they may be people in pain, acting out that pain in the most visceral way imaginable.

Real-World Cases and Cautionary Tales

Though “death feederism” sounds like the plot of a grotesque horror novel, there have been real-life cases that mirror aspects of what we’ve described. These cases serve as cautionary tales and provide concrete insight into how things can go horribly wrong:

  • Patty Sanchez – “I Felt Like I Was Dying”: Patty’s story made news in 2015 as an example of a feederism relationship that nearly proved fatal. Over several years, Patty’s boyfriend (a feeder) encouraged her to eat incessantly. “90 per cent of their relationship revolved around eating,” Patty recounted independent.co.uk. He even enlisted online “fans” who derived pleasure from watching Patty eat to pay for her food independent.co.uk. Under this constant encouragement, Patty’s weight skyrocketed to 51.5 stone (721 lbs) independent.co.uk. She was literally being served every meal and told to just keep eating. At that weight, Patty became almost immobile – as she later reflected, her life at 721 lbs was her “lowest point,” when she “couldn't walk three steps to the bathroom” from her bed independent.co.uk. She felt as if she was “dying a slow death” independent.co.uk. Fearing for her life, Patty finally broke up with her feeder boyfriend. Only then, with the help of family, was she able to escape the toxic cycle and lose nearly 240 lbs. Patty’s case highlights a few things: how a feeder’s “love” can mask lethal negligence, how a feedee can become trapped before they realize it, and how difficult (but life-saving) it is to break away. Patty said of leaving her feeder, “I realised that the feeding relationship I was in... wasn’t for me” independent.co.uk. Once the spell was broken, she described it as waking up from a bad dream where she’d handed over control of her life. Her story stands as a stark warning: had she stayed, she likely would have continued gaining until her body gave out. Indeed, woman dies after being fed to 800 lbs could easily have been the headline instead of “nearly dies.” Patty was lucky to get out in time.
  • Rosie Jean – Stalked by a Death Feeder: Rosie Jean, a model and content creator, bravely spoke out in 2023 about her harrowing experience with an extreme feeder. Rosie already was a plus-size woman (size 6XL) and made adult content where men would pay to watch her eat on camera perthnow.com.au perthnow.com.au. In other words, she was tangentially involved in feedism as a fantasy. Unfortunately, this made her a target. A man she met via Reddit became fixated on her – he stalked her, learned where she lived, and began grooming her online perthnow.com.au perthnow.com.au. Rosie noted that this stalker “had an archetype” – meaning he was specifically hunting for a certain type of victim – and she fit it to a T perthnow.com.au. She believes he was explicitly into death feederism. “He was into what’s called death feederism… feeding someone so that they die,” she explained perthnow.com.au. The man manipulated Rosie’s vulnerabilities (remember, she had trauma and perhaps craving for acceptance). Even though Rosie had a boyfriend, the feeder convinced her to consider a polyamorous arrangement and lured her into meeting secretly perthnow.com.au. In a hotel room, he enacted his fetish: he “coerced her into being fed while they made love.” perthnow.com.au This blending of sexual intimacy with non-consensual feeding crossed multiple boundaries for Rosie – she hadn’t wanted to cheat, nor did she truly consent to the feeding aspect; she felt pressured and cornered. After this encounter, Rosie spiraled mentally. She later suffered a breakdown and was diagnosed with PTSD (likely exacerbated by this trauma on top of her past) perthnow.com.au. Rosie’s story is terrifying because it shows a predatory feeder in action, almost like a sexual predator who uses a fetish as the weapon. He sought out a victim with existing trauma, groomed her with psychological tactics, then got exactly what he wanted: to act out a death feederism scenario (even if just a single episode). Rosie managed to extricate herself and warn others. She described the feederism community as having “some serious cult-like mentality” in how persistent and pressuring some members were perthnow.com.au. Her warning resonates: if you’re a plus-sized person who’s active online, be wary of admirers who push your boundaries – there are those who won’t stop at anything to feed their fetish, even if it destroys you.
  • Anonymous Former Feedee (Reddit AMA): A young woman using the handle That_One_Faery_Mom did an “Ask Me Anything” interview on Reddit about being a former feedee who escaped a bad feederism relationship. She revealed that her involvement started when she was “almost 16” – essentially a minor groomed online by adult feeders reddit.com. They enticed her with constant flattery about how sexy her growing belly was, sending her money for food, and calling her affectionate degrading names like “piggy.” She gained a significant amount of weight at their urging. Over time she realized the situation was deeply unhealthy and managed to cut ties. In the AMA, readers ask how to spot grooming: she answered that if someone is fixated on making you huge, bombarding you with feeding talk, isolating you (she noted she never met them in person partly to avoid being physically cornered) and only praising your body in the context of getting fatter – those are major warning signs reddit.com. Now trying to lose the weight, she described ongoing struggles with food and self-image after quitting feederism reddit.com. This aligns with the idea that extreme feederism leaves psychological scars similar to escaping a cult or an abusive relationship. Notably, she said whenever she gains a few pounds now, she panics and thinks of her feeders – showing a kind of PTSD trigger around weight. Her story underscores that teenagers can fall victim to feederism grooming (the internet makes this easy) and that getting out is not just a physical journey (losing weight) but a mental one (rebuilding one’s identity free of the feeder’s influence).
  • Community Reactions: It’s telling to see how even communities that celebrate big bodies react to the notion of death feederism. On Fat Admirer forums and size-positive Reddit threads, most people express horror when the topic comes up. “What the **** is this?… I keep an open mind regarding kinks… but death feederism?!” wrote one Redditor in a plus-size community, echoing the shock and disgust many feel on learning such a thing existsreddit.com. Even among feeders and feedees who enjoy feedism (a milder term for the fetish), those who push it to this lethal extreme are often viewed as pariahs. A common sentiment is that consent is questionable in such situations – how much can a feedee truly consent to something that might kill them, especially if groomed or mentally unwell? Ethical feeders tend to condemn any behavior that deliberately ignores health or a partner’s well-being. The existence of the term “death feedist” itself is controversial; some feel it glorifies what should be labeled abuse. In any case, real-world discourse shows a clear line between mainstream feederism and its darkest edge. The latter provokes the same revulsion one might have for other lethal fetishes (for instance, breath-play taken too far, or “snuff” fantasies). It’s a taboo even within a taboo.

Taken together, these cases and reactions paint a picture of a rare but very real phenomenon. They illustrate patterns – a feedee with underlying trauma or self-esteem issues, a feeder with controlling or deviant tendencies, a progressive loss of autonomy, and the eventual wake-up call (if one is lucky) or tragedy (if one isn’t). They also highlight a critical point: help and escape is possible. Patty left and saved her life; Rosie got out and is in recovery; the young Reddit feedee cut off her groomers and is healing. These outcomes required support (family, therapy, personal courage) and not everyone in such deep fetish entanglements has those resources readily available. But the fact that escape can happen is important – it means that, with awareness, extreme feederism doesn’t have to end in literal doom. The first step is shining a light on it, openly and honestly, which is what we’re striving to do here.

Conclusion: When a Fetish Turns Fatal

Feederism in its everyday form is already a controversial fetish, but the “darkest edge” of it – where partners pursue obesity to the point of immobility or death – forces us to confront uncomfortable questions about the intersection of pleasure, pain, control, and consent. What happens when a fetish turns fatal? We’ve seen that it stops being just “kinky fun” and enters the realm of psychological compulsion, possibly psychopathology, and abuse.

Examining “death feederism” reveals that it is not a simple case of one partner wanting something extreme and the other innocently obliging. Rather, it often involves a perfect storm of factors: a feedee with masochistic or self-destructive urges (frequently rooted in trauma or low self-worth), and a feeder with extreme sadistic or controlling tendencies (potentially driven by their own psychological issues). The fetish becomes a vehicle for these deeper currents. For the feedee, allowing oneself to be harmed can paradoxically feel like acceptance or love (warped as that may be). For the feeder, having godlike control over someone can feed an ego or pathology that craves dominance. When both sides meet, the feedback loop intensifies: the feedee dives further into dangerous gain to please the feeder, and the feeder keeps raising the stakes, desensitized to the human cost.

From a psychological and psychiatric standpoint, this behavior resides in a gray area. It involves paraphilic desires (feeders and feedees are genuinely aroused by these acts), yet it results in real harm akin to an addiction or an abuse cycle. It challenges the boundaries of consent – can harm to this degree ever be fully consented to, or is it evidence of an impaired capacity to self-care? Some might argue that death feederism should be treated like other self-harming behaviors or like assisted suicide. Others see the feeder as an exploiter taking advantage of someone’s vulnerability. Perhaps it’s both.

What is clear is that communication and ethics in the feederism community need to address these extremes. As one Redditor in the feedism scene said, “it’s on us in the feedism community to ensure cases like yours don’t happen again”, emphasizing education and warning newcomers of the dangers reddit.com. Just as the BDSM community has safety protocols (safe words, negotiation, aftercare) to prevent fetishes from causing real injury, one could argue the feederism community needs frank discussions about health, limits, and recognizing coercion. Unfortunately, due to stigma, these conversations are often muted – feederism is largely underground, and those involved may fear judgment if they seek help or set limits (the feedee might fear losing the only partner who “appreciates” them, for instance).

For outsiders reading this, the key take-away should not be to gawk or ridicule, but to understand and empathize while still condemning the harm. It’s easy to dismiss “those people” as simply crazy or perverse. The reality, as we’ve explored, is more nuanced and tragic. Many who fall into death feederism are deeply hurt individuals. They need therapy, support, and sometimes intervention, not shaming. Likewise, the feeders who push things that far may need psychological help (and in some cases, legal consequences) to stop them from destroying lives. If you ever encounter someone engaged in this kind of relationship, recognizing the signs and knowing that it is not a healthy situation is crucial – it’s akin to recognizing domestic abuse or severe self-harm. Intervening can be delicate, but even planting a seed of doubt (“Do you really feel safe? This isn’t normal love.”) in the feedee’s mind or urging them to talk to a professional could eventually save their life.

In the end, “death feederism” remains a rare and extreme outgrowth of human sexuality. It forces us to remember that the line between pleasure and pain is thin and easily crossed when psychological demons linger in the background. Fetishes, by their nature, probe boundaries – but this fetish, at its extreme, blows past boundaries that most of us hold dear: the instinct for survival, the duty to care for one’s partner. It turns the life-giving act of eating into a slow instrument of death. That juxtaposition is both fascinating and horrifying from a psychological perspective.

We have peered into this shadowy corner without flinching – seeing the masochism, trauma, and twisted psychology that fuel it. It is a sobering reminder of the human mind’s capacity to find eroticism in even the bleakest of places. Not all feederism is dark, and not all who practice it are damaged. But when a fetish crosses into fatal territory, it ceases to be a private quirk and becomes a public concern – a matter of health, autonomy, and ethics. The stories above, and the psychological insights we've discussed, shine a light on something most would rather pretend doesn’t exist. By doing so, perhaps we can better recognize it, prevent it, and help those who might be caught in its grip. After all, no one’s sexual “turn on” should turn into a literal dead end.

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